can things get any better right now?
me not think so.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
love
had a conversation with someone recently about love.
i like love.
our conversation revolved around the question of what is proper love and what is society's version of love. i will elaborate.
1. there is society's version of love. as a guy, this is very emotion based. it's about having the BEST and the BEST LOOKING and someone who is CONSTANTLY EXCITING and ALWAYS ADVENTUROUS. from what i can see, men in movies who would be very lovable are the ones who are very free spirited and adventurous, always thinking up new things to do each day.
and then i ask... really?! is there any way for a person to live up to all of that? there is only one best looking person in the whole world. there will always be someone who is more X and better Y. these are impossible standards to meet up to. there has to be something more.
2. then there's proper love. if what we see on tv is next to impossible to meet up to, there has to be a different type of love. so here's my suggestion. perhaps "best" is a highly relative term. perhaps it refers to inspiring security and comfort. perhaps feeling inclined to sacrifice anything for the other person is love. perhaps it isn't about sparks constantly flying but, instead, maintaining a fire that has sparks shoot out of it every once in awhile. and perhaps its about forgiveness and grace, desiring to forgive and offer grace to the other person, despite just about anything they could do. and communication. not everyone can communicate with everyone on an outstanding level. perhaps when that is found, it is something to hold onto. and perhaps all these things lead up to the "best."
i dunno. i'm just saying.
i like love.
our conversation revolved around the question of what is proper love and what is society's version of love. i will elaborate.
1. there is society's version of love. as a guy, this is very emotion based. it's about having the BEST and the BEST LOOKING and someone who is CONSTANTLY EXCITING and ALWAYS ADVENTUROUS. from what i can see, men in movies who would be very lovable are the ones who are very free spirited and adventurous, always thinking up new things to do each day.
and then i ask... really?! is there any way for a person to live up to all of that? there is only one best looking person in the whole world. there will always be someone who is more X and better Y. these are impossible standards to meet up to. there has to be something more.
2. then there's proper love. if what we see on tv is next to impossible to meet up to, there has to be a different type of love. so here's my suggestion. perhaps "best" is a highly relative term. perhaps it refers to inspiring security and comfort. perhaps feeling inclined to sacrifice anything for the other person is love. perhaps it isn't about sparks constantly flying but, instead, maintaining a fire that has sparks shoot out of it every once in awhile. and perhaps its about forgiveness and grace, desiring to forgive and offer grace to the other person, despite just about anything they could do. and communication. not everyone can communicate with everyone on an outstanding level. perhaps when that is found, it is something to hold onto. and perhaps all these things lead up to the "best."
i dunno. i'm just saying.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
in exile
thrice - in exile (inspired by matthew 6)
I am in exile, a sojourner
A citizen of some other place
All I've seen is just a glimmer in a shadowy mirror
But I know, one day well see face to face
I am a nomad, a wanderer
I have nowhere to lay my head down
There's no point in putting roots too deep when I'm moving on
Not settling for this unsettling town
My heart is filled with songs of forever
The city that endures when all is made new
I know I don't belong here, I'll never
Call this place my home, I'm just passing through
I am a pilgrim, a voyager
I wont rest until my lips touch the shore
Of the land that I've been longing for as long as I've lived
Where they'll be no pain or tears anymore
My heart is filled with songs of forever
The city that endures when all is made new
I know I don't belong here, I'll never
Call this place my home, I'm just passing through
I am in exile, a sojourner
A citizen of some other place
All I've seen is just a glimmer in a shadowy mirror
But I know, one day well see face to face
I am a nomad, a wanderer
I have nowhere to lay my head down
There's no point in putting roots too deep when I'm moving on
Not settling for this unsettling town
My heart is filled with songs of forever
The city that endures when all is made new
I know I don't belong here, I'll never
Call this place my home, I'm just passing through
I am a pilgrim, a voyager
I wont rest until my lips touch the shore
Of the land that I've been longing for as long as I've lived
Where they'll be no pain or tears anymore
My heart is filled with songs of forever
The city that endures when all is made new
I know I don't belong here, I'll never
Call this place my home, I'm just passing through
Friday, March 12, 2010
tony hale
so tony hale came to have a q & a session with some of us at fuller. it was a great, honest, vulnerable time, and made me think an awful lot.
but one thing he said stuck out.
"if you don't practice contentment where you're at, you won't have it when you get to where you want to be." (paraphrased)
if you don't practice contentment
where (present place)
you're at (NOW! in any situation!),
you won't have it
when (future time)
you get to
where (future place)
you want to be (aspiration)
how's that for a kick in the pants?
but one thing he said stuck out.
"if you don't practice contentment where you're at, you won't have it when you get to where you want to be." (paraphrased)
if you don't practice contentment
where (present place)
you're at (NOW! in any situation!),
you won't have it
when (future time)
you get to
where (future place)
you want to be (aspiration)
how's that for a kick in the pants?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
simmering
things simmering on my griddle of a mind today (pun!):
1. stacey schwenker sent me this brilliant LOST blog: http://neverseenlost.wordpress.com/2010/03/10/episode-7-of-the-final-season-of-lost/#more-91 SUPER FUNNY! Thanks Stace!
2. i really enjoy cooking. i don't do it enough. but man, its fun. i really like being creative and just inventing stuff. putting my favorite things all together and seeing how they work together. and i really like cooking for others. guess it works well with my "acts of service" love language thing.
3. ran about a 7 minute mile yesterday, and didn't have knee pain. this makes me really happy.
4. writing tons of music. TONS!
5. i cleaned my room two night ago. it feels so nice to have a clean room.
6. i miss some friends from home. miss you guys, for rizzles. hope to come home over the summer for a little bit.
peace out for now.
1. stacey schwenker sent me this brilliant LOST blog: http://neverseenlost.wordpress.com/2010/03/10/episode-7-of-the-final-season-of-lost/#more-91 SUPER FUNNY! Thanks Stace!
2. i really enjoy cooking. i don't do it enough. but man, its fun. i really like being creative and just inventing stuff. putting my favorite things all together and seeing how they work together. and i really like cooking for others. guess it works well with my "acts of service" love language thing.
3. ran about a 7 minute mile yesterday, and didn't have knee pain. this makes me really happy.
4. writing tons of music. TONS!
5. i cleaned my room two night ago. it feels so nice to have a clean room.
6. i miss some friends from home. miss you guys, for rizzles. hope to come home over the summer for a little bit.
peace out for now.
Monday, March 8, 2010
. . . . .
my friend katie has been blogging from india. you can read her blog here.
it's been heartbreaking and amazing to read about her journey over there. there is so much poverty and injustice there, and yet there is also hope. katie has done a good job conveying that through her blog and it makes me wish so badly that i was there to help out or do something. at the same time, its awesome to see God using her in a tough place. if you ever want to see a creative and beautiful blog, check that one out.
another blog of note is my friend laura's blog. she just wrote a cool one on dating and what it is and isn't. hit home a little bit and brought some things to light. check it out here.
i've been writing more music. specifically, i've been spending a lot of time on "after the fire has burned out," a song that is almost 9 minutes long. i met with a friend of mine on saturday night for some assistance with it. she was a classical music composition minor in undergrad and gave me all sorts of great pointers on how to arrange things and not arrange things.
otherwise, that's life right now. music, school, work. my knee is healing up from last week and i hope to do a good hike tomorrow. maybe something like henniger flats, an 8 to 10-er, just to make sure the knee is ok again.
but life is good and i am trying to become stronger and better at it. ttfn.
it's been heartbreaking and amazing to read about her journey over there. there is so much poverty and injustice there, and yet there is also hope. katie has done a good job conveying that through her blog and it makes me wish so badly that i was there to help out or do something. at the same time, its awesome to see God using her in a tough place. if you ever want to see a creative and beautiful blog, check that one out.
another blog of note is my friend laura's blog. she just wrote a cool one on dating and what it is and isn't. hit home a little bit and brought some things to light. check it out here.
i've been writing more music. specifically, i've been spending a lot of time on "after the fire has burned out," a song that is almost 9 minutes long. i met with a friend of mine on saturday night for some assistance with it. she was a classical music composition minor in undergrad and gave me all sorts of great pointers on how to arrange things and not arrange things.
otherwise, that's life right now. music, school, work. my knee is healing up from last week and i hope to do a good hike tomorrow. maybe something like henniger flats, an 8 to 10-er, just to make sure the knee is ok again.
but life is good and i am trying to become stronger and better at it. ttfn.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
bucket list revisited
i made a bucketlist last summer. here it is again, with revisions.
so i'm a young 28...probably not super close to dying. however, i've decided to make a bucket list. at the expense of sounding selfish, these are things that i would love to experience or partake in, in no particular order:
1. live in another country at some point
2. write a book
3. write a congregational worship cd
4. run a marathon
5. finish a triathalon
6. cross the san gabriel mountains on foot
7. reach 10% body fat
8. surf
9. invent something
10. start a family
11. teach a class
12. start a church
13. open an art gallery
14. reach a point where i have zero negative impact on the environment
15. ride/own a motorcycle
16. climb/hike mount whitney
17. climb to 20,000 feet
18. scuba dive
19. reach a point where most of my money is being given away regularly
20. see a taping of conan obrien (CHECK)
21. get an mft degree
22. get a doctorate in something
23. go back to australia and new zealand
24. live on a farm
25. climb mount hood
26. whitewater raft
27. release a full length solo album (CHECK)
28. write an 8+ minute song (CHECK)
29. reach a point where everyone around me knows i love them
30. write a feature length film script
31. ski
32. produce another person's album
33. finish the 8000m challenge (go up gorgonio, jacinto, and baldy in a day)
34. run a sub 6:00 mile
35. preach a sermon
so i'm a young 28...probably not super close to dying. however, i've decided to make a bucket list. at the expense of sounding selfish, these are things that i would love to experience or partake in, in no particular order:
1. live in another country at some point
2. write a book
3. write a congregational worship cd
4. run a marathon
5. finish a triathalon
6. cross the san gabriel mountains on foot
7. reach 10% body fat
8. surf
9. invent something
10. start a family
11. teach a class
12. start a church
13. open an art gallery
14. reach a point where i have zero negative impact on the environment
15. ride/own a motorcycle
16. climb/hike mount whitney
17. climb to 20,000 feet
18. scuba dive
19. reach a point where most of my money is being given away regularly
20. see a taping of conan obrien (CHECK)
21. get an mft degree
22. get a doctorate in something
23. go back to australia and new zealand
24. live on a farm
25. climb mount hood
26. whitewater raft
27. release a full length solo album (CHECK)
28. write an 8+ minute song (CHECK)
29. reach a point where everyone around me knows i love them
30. write a feature length film script
31. ski
32. produce another person's album
33. finish the 8000m challenge (go up gorgonio, jacinto, and baldy in a day)
34. run a sub 6:00 mile
35. preach a sermon
Thursday, March 4, 2010
"i just want one more chance to put my arms in fragile hands" - anberlin
i went on a hike yesterday. a different hike than usual.
i started at 1100 feet (altitude) and hiked up to about 5300 over about 9 or 10 miles. i filmed some of it, and, because i was filming on and off, i decided to have no music on (because that would cloud the film audio). so...it was basically 9-10 miles of silence and no other people around.
i arrived to san gabriel peak, the mountain i wanted to hike up to. the peak sits at over 6,000 feet tall and is the highest peak in the lower san gabriel mountains. the view is amazing. however, the trails had been destroyed by the rain and fires from the last 7 months. i tried to scramble up a few hundred feet, but, past that, it was really really dangerous and i had to turn back.
on top of that, my knee was hurting. it had been hurting more and more during the first leg of this hike, but now it was on fire and not really bending too easily.
so.
here i am.
dejected and disappointed by being so close to my goal, but not able to attain it.
not being able to film the triumphant end to this film i was shooting.
knee hurting to the point where i need to use my trekking poles as crutches.
alone.
10 miles from the trailhead. no cell phone service. no rangers or other hikers.
and on top of that, the temp has dropped into the 30's, its real windy, storm clouds are coming in, and im sweaty.
i had been praying throughout this hike. i figured it would be nice to take this opportunity to pray. however, now that everything about the hike had pretty much fallen apart, i was praying a bit more desperately, but, even more so, as if to say "ok God, You want my attention, You've got my attention. what are You telling me?"
i felt God saying a lot. some too private for blogging, other parts ok for blogging. as far as the ok parts to post...
i feel God telling me that He is moving me into a season of development. I've been in a place for awhile of recalibration and healing. i'm pretty strong in those areas right now, though, at least i think. i feel God is telling me to invest in people, as one would invest in a financial investment. time and attention are my commodity. what am i spending them on? who am i spending them on? and are these people or things that are making me feel good, feel affirmed, and feel like people that will be with me a year from now? or are these people who may be wonderful people, but who are holding me back, distracting me, or taking a lot more out of me than they give back? i needed to hear this and i think i have some decisions to make, even though i think most of my social dynamics are fairly healthy right now.
i felt Him telling me to forgive. even before a person has realized they've wrong me, i need to be willing to forgive. people aren't perfect and i fully embrace that, but when i feel i've been wronged, i take that pretty hard. i am trying to go beyond that hurt and to ask myself "why did they do that? what caused that?" and to forgive that person, based on the grounds of x+y will yield a result of z, when brought together.
and i feel God telling me to point out the great things of Creation to everyone around me. if i see love, i should point it out. if i see God moving, i should point it out. if i see wonder, i should point it out. this world and this life are such great gifts and opportunities; i don't want to miss them, myself, nor do i want to see people around me miss out on them.
my friend and i talked two days ago at the arcadia arboretum. we talked about how, with school, we tend to see the most significant part of that journey as being the culmination of that work in the graduation ceremony. however, even though that is probably going to be one of the prouder moments of school, the work, the growth, and the journey precedes graduation; the most important part of school, at least to her and i, lies in the steps along the way. perhaps that was the case yesterday with my hike. perhaps God didn't really care if i hiked up that last leg of my trip. perhaps He just wanted to get me the heck away from everything else so i would start listening. i'm listening.
i started at 1100 feet (altitude) and hiked up to about 5300 over about 9 or 10 miles. i filmed some of it, and, because i was filming on and off, i decided to have no music on (because that would cloud the film audio). so...it was basically 9-10 miles of silence and no other people around.
i arrived to san gabriel peak, the mountain i wanted to hike up to. the peak sits at over 6,000 feet tall and is the highest peak in the lower san gabriel mountains. the view is amazing. however, the trails had been destroyed by the rain and fires from the last 7 months. i tried to scramble up a few hundred feet, but, past that, it was really really dangerous and i had to turn back.
on top of that, my knee was hurting. it had been hurting more and more during the first leg of this hike, but now it was on fire and not really bending too easily.
so.
here i am.
dejected and disappointed by being so close to my goal, but not able to attain it.
not being able to film the triumphant end to this film i was shooting.
knee hurting to the point where i need to use my trekking poles as crutches.
alone.
10 miles from the trailhead. no cell phone service. no rangers or other hikers.
and on top of that, the temp has dropped into the 30's, its real windy, storm clouds are coming in, and im sweaty.
i had been praying throughout this hike. i figured it would be nice to take this opportunity to pray. however, now that everything about the hike had pretty much fallen apart, i was praying a bit more desperately, but, even more so, as if to say "ok God, You want my attention, You've got my attention. what are You telling me?"
i felt God saying a lot. some too private for blogging, other parts ok for blogging. as far as the ok parts to post...
i feel God telling me that He is moving me into a season of development. I've been in a place for awhile of recalibration and healing. i'm pretty strong in those areas right now, though, at least i think. i feel God is telling me to invest in people, as one would invest in a financial investment. time and attention are my commodity. what am i spending them on? who am i spending them on? and are these people or things that are making me feel good, feel affirmed, and feel like people that will be with me a year from now? or are these people who may be wonderful people, but who are holding me back, distracting me, or taking a lot more out of me than they give back? i needed to hear this and i think i have some decisions to make, even though i think most of my social dynamics are fairly healthy right now.
i felt Him telling me to forgive. even before a person has realized they've wrong me, i need to be willing to forgive. people aren't perfect and i fully embrace that, but when i feel i've been wronged, i take that pretty hard. i am trying to go beyond that hurt and to ask myself "why did they do that? what caused that?" and to forgive that person, based on the grounds of x+y will yield a result of z, when brought together.
and i feel God telling me to point out the great things of Creation to everyone around me. if i see love, i should point it out. if i see God moving, i should point it out. if i see wonder, i should point it out. this world and this life are such great gifts and opportunities; i don't want to miss them, myself, nor do i want to see people around me miss out on them.
my friend and i talked two days ago at the arcadia arboretum. we talked about how, with school, we tend to see the most significant part of that journey as being the culmination of that work in the graduation ceremony. however, even though that is probably going to be one of the prouder moments of school, the work, the growth, and the journey precedes graduation; the most important part of school, at least to her and i, lies in the steps along the way. perhaps that was the case yesterday with my hike. perhaps God didn't really care if i hiked up that last leg of my trip. perhaps He just wanted to get me the heck away from everything else so i would start listening. i'm listening.
Monday, March 1, 2010
film
realized today in class that i really really like doing film. im hoping to film my hike on wednesday and to make a short film from that. it also gives me something to score, which is exciting!
and the ever-changing list of songs for the full length right now goes like this:
sarah walker
the question remains
blue and green
my new life
heavy
open your eyes
you will glow again
brightness
candy hearts
tomorrow
what i wish i could say
summer
life in color
chicago
of course, im writing more and more and 86ing songs as new songs come up that i perceive as better, but there is definite progress on that front. hooray!
i will celebrate this goodness with an snl short :-)
and the ever-changing list of songs for the full length right now goes like this:
sarah walker
the question remains
blue and green
my new life
heavy
open your eyes
you will glow again
brightness
candy hearts
tomorrow
what i wish i could say
summer
life in color
chicago
of course, im writing more and more and 86ing songs as new songs come up that i perceive as better, but there is definite progress on that front. hooray!
i will celebrate this goodness with an snl short :-)
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