concert

just saw we were promised jetpacks and the lonely forest in concert. wow. inspiring to say the least. my creative mind was going nuts watching this show. wow.

stretched

i feel stretched.

i feel like one part of me is being taken by church, one for school, one for work, one for music, one for friends, one for other social situations, one for redeeming some past situations... and then there's the need for spending myself on God, personal time, working out, etc.

i'm good at doing this usually. really, i'm good. i can compartmentalize fairly effectively. but lately, the last couple weeks especially, i've gone to crap. i double booked myself on something recently. i NEVER double book myself on anything.

so what is the solution? ought i drop someone or something? give less to everything? or perhaps feeling like a rubberband is normal and i should just get used to it.

either way, its taking its toll on me.

marriage

thinking about asking either tegan or sara to marry me. any opinions on that? which one should i ask? let's take a vote.
then again, to take a vote, i'd need readers of this blog, of which there are none. so...
any votes?
jimmy: sara!
megan: tegan!
bob: totally tegan!
chris: i don't care, i'm hungry. i vote for clif bars.
natalie: sara is way cute.
fernando: tegan all the way.
helga: sara has a cooler hair style.

so tabbing up the votes, we have 3 for sara and 3 for tegan and 1 for clif bars. this will take more consideration than anticipated.

gr

i just destroyed all my pillowcases, threw all my clothes and blankets against the wall, and speed walked about a mile and a half in like 6 minutes.

i'm angry like once a decade. so i guess this feeling won't hit again til 2020.

expression

i feel that when i hear some songs, they express my heart better than i can.

inspiration

i've been doing this music video thing for the last week. today i was able to show the rough cut to a group of people (my grad class) and get some reaction. most of it is pretty solid and the things that can be improved are small fixes. so yay.

throughout this process, i've found myself loving this whole video thing. not necessarily the camera part or that sort of thing...but the idea part. and i think i have some other good ideas. so perhaps i'll make another video. or 5. :-)

anyways, this clip always gets me amped up. its for the amazing mutemath video for typical and shows how they made it. so good.

music video!

i've begun shooting and editing the music video for candy hearts. the video is built around love; my goal is to depict love through other peoples' stories, so as to leave the viewer with a sense and desire to reiterate that love through actions. i'm stoked. can't wait to show it to everyone and to see the effect it can have!

top 10 favorite songs of all time

was challenged to try to make this list. its not an easy one, because i like tons of music. but here's my best shot (in no order).

1. straylight run - existentialism on prom night
2. explosions in the sky - your hand in mine
3. william fitzsimmons - please don't go
4. jimmy eat world - goodbye skye harbor
5. sigur ros - hoppipolla (and hoppipolla afterbuk)
6. jawbreaker - basilica
7. christie front drive - bag
8. thrice - cold hearts, colder cash
9. underoath - too bright to see, too loud to hear
10. weezer - only in dreams

show!

tomorrow. haven't played a show in like 9 months. a little nervous. but itll rock. so much stuff to do before then.
i better see you all there tomorrow.

sundance movie reviews

ok friends. i promised to post reviews of the movies i saw at sundance. so below, thats what's up. lemme know your thoughts or agreements or disagreements!


1. The Temptation of St. Tony
The Temptation of St. Tony is a movie that chronicles the war between good and evil within people. Tony, the protagonist, is a good person who is forced to endure really terrible things: his wife leaves him after cheating on him, he is forced to unfairly fire all of the workers he manages, he is laughed at by the police when reporting a pile of bodies that he witnessed in the woods, etc… As the movie goes on, things go from bad to worse, culminating in a bizarre ending, where Tony ends up as the last person remaining in the world – and he is forced by the devil to eat his girlfriend, demonstrating Tony’s succumbing to evil and, thus, dooming all of humanity as unable to resist becoming evil.
This movie tries to be deeper than it really is. I feel that the cinematography was great and the acting was sufficient. Besides that, this movie was overly artistic, to the point that it failed to make it’s point. Furthermore, the author’s view on humanity as inevitably doomed by its greed and lust is convoluted and lost amongst all of the overproduction of this film. Also, the only character I ever cared about was Tony, and even then it was very little. Zero stars. Just not a good, thought out movie. It felt like Rocky Horror Picture Show meets I Am Legend, but in Estonian subtitles. I feel that this point has been more clearly made in movies like Jurassic Park.

2. Animal Kingdom
Animal Kingdom was one of my favorite movies at Sundance. Animal Kingdom takes place in Australia. J, the main character, is a high school aged kid, whose mom overdoses on drugs and kills herself. His father is no longer in the picture, so he is forced to move in with his grandma, whom he hardly knows. While at his grandma’s house, he becomes better acquainted with his uncles, and he learns that their occupation is dangerous and criminal. J becomes trapped between staying loyal to his family and keeping with his well-natured roots. As the movie goes on, his family also begins to turn on him, but he still tries to maintain that aforementioned loyalty to them by not talking to the police and by assisting them in some of their criminal acts.
This movie was perfectly done. The story is compelling, the acting is great, the cinematography is wonderful, and the music is brilliant. It raises the question, at least for me, regarding loyalty: when we know that our loved ones are doing wrong, how loyal should we be? This also pertains to faith; I struggle at times with how to always be perfectly blameless in the eyes of my friends and family and to maintain that loyalty and positive image when I know that God is calling me to say or do something that they may not like. Furthermore, when faced with that possibility, J’s family turn out to not be very supportive after all, and all he is left with are his convictions.

3. Obselidia
Obselidia flat out sucked. It was an awful movie that lacked direction, was poorly scripted, and featured characters that I didn’t care about in any way. George is a character who collects obsolete things. He is set in the past and, ironically (but not too ironically) ends up becoming obsolete himself. However, he meets a woman who opens up his heart to love and life and he learns a new way of life, that awakens him from his dormancy. At least theoretically it does.
I found myself not cheering for this character at all. Furthermore, I absolutely hated the screenwriter’s neandering polemics, built around saving the environment and whether love exists or not. It seemed like the author had all of this stuff to say, and she created characters to say it for her… but she neglected to install any sort of empathy or interest in the characters and story. Also, the music composition in this was pretty lame and just did not work for me.
I do appreciate how this film made me feel inspired to make sure I’m not obsolete or stuck in the past, however. This is something that seems imperative in the bible for all of God’s followers; the need to be living, moving through the world, and not so over-focused on the past but the present and future.

4. 12th and Delaware
12th and Delaware is a documentary that portrays the struggle between a planned parenthood and abortion center, which are across the street from one another. Interesting premise, poor documentary. For one, the filmmakers chose a relatively normal abortion center staff to showcase, and yet they chose some of the nuttiest Christians around to highlight. I know it is not the documentary-makers’ faults that these Christians are nuts and that they’re the only protestors there; however, it is misrepresentative of much of the Christian population that I know, and I felt sick watching much of this film.
On the positive side of things, I felt touched and challenged to figure out some sort of action, as a Christian, regarding sustainable help to people who are considering abortion. I believe and advocate for the sanctity of life and I am very pro-life in my ideology. However, hearing about the different situations that some of the prospective abortion-cliental were caught in – I am not totally sure that their babies would be born into a healthy situation. Furthermore, it seems that the Church isn’t involved enough in helping people in these situations, and that ought to change. The war seems to be, not just about abortion or not abortion, but also in supporting parents’ various situations so young parents do not feel so alone and helpless and without any other options.

5. the Dry Land
This movie completely floored me. For one, the performances were amazing, especially from Ryan O’Nan and Jason Ritter. Secondly, the direction was wonderful and the movie had a good balance of artistic but raw and real. And finally and most importantly, the story was touching and hit home for many people, including me.
I have many people who are close to me that deal with severe PTSD. I have struggled with the question of what to do about these people. I like them but I don’t know how to connect with them at all and that frustrates me. Furthermore, they are not able to seek help because the military teaches that doing so is a sign of weakness. Actually, coming home after Sundance, I talked to one of these people who I usually can’t connect with in any way. I recommended that he see this movie when it comes out and he actually seemed interested in doing that. It is really cool to see God working through movies to bring about redemption in ways that otherwise probably would not be possible.

6. Nowhere Boy
This movie was about John Lennon’s years as a rebellious teen. It was, overall, well written, acted, and put together. The story had good flow and prompted me to take interest in John Lennon, even though I normally do not really care much at all for the Beatles. Plus the music was great, and that is something really draws me in.
However, the movie has proven to be fairly forgettable. There was nothing really wrong with this movie, but I do not really feel edified or affected from watching this. John Lennon went through a lot as a teen, but most of it was perpetuated by himself. I can’t really think of any major resolution Lennon came to by the end of the movie, outside of his newfound love for his aunt. I struggled to find any sort of spiritual epiphany or realization in this movie, and honestly, I don’t really think John Lennon had to overcome much to become the star he became.

7. Hesher
Hesher was insulting, perverted, offensive, morally-reprehesive, harsh, crass, and absolutely brilliant. Hesher enters into the lives of a shattered family and turns everything upside down. However, this isn’t such a bad thing. Their lives were so stagnant and shell-shocked and they needed someone to cut through them like a knife. Hesher’s crass dialogue and actions were effective in showing the level of disruption needed to interrupt such a stalled, stagnant paradigm.
Cinematically, the only thing I have to complain about is a bit of the inconsistent coloration from scene to scene and the miscast Natalie Portman, who, for once, did not really do a good job in her role. She acted like a blander version of her character from Garden State.
However, this movie really affected me, especially with the final scene. I think that sometimes we need a Hesher in our life, in order to move past an obstacle, may it be spiritual or whatever else in nature. Furthermore, I believe that God sends us Heshers in various forms to push us closer to Him. Romans 5 talks about suffering and grief as being wonderful gifts, in that they result in strength and better awareness of God’s grace. However, sometimes we can become stuck in these situations and we need something to push us along, whether it be up/improvement or down/negatively. Movement is better than no movement at all.

8. Buried
Ryan Reynolds in a box for 90 minutes. That pretty much sums this up. He plays a person who has been buried in a coffin in the middle of the Iraqi desert. The only things in his coffin are a lighter and cell phone. Therefore, he essentially has 90 minutes to figure out a way to get out of the coffin.
The movie is simplistic and I find that to be the joy of it. Hitchcock would be proud of a movie like this. Reynolds is a effective in his role; he is able to display his well-appreciated sarcasm, but also shows a powerful dramatic side that is not often seen in his movies.
I found myself envisioning what I would do in his position. Would I proclaim my love to all of my loved ones, using that cell phone? Would I try to save myself and burn away those minutes that could be spent calling people and saying goodbye to them? Or would I freeze up and not be able to do anything? What I found myself believing is that, even though I am not in a box (obviously), I only have limited minutes on this planet. Ought I spend so much time preserving myself or should I be spending more time loving the people around me? The coffin acts as a microcosm to something much bigger – life – and poses questions about the purpose of existing and what we all ought to value with our time.

9. happythankyoumoreplease
Favorite movie at Sundance, no contest. This is the one movie I wanted to see and it exceeded my expectations. John Radnor’s script is beautiful. Sure, it has a couple clichés and a bit of dragging, but, overall, it showcases three beautiful, realistic tales of love that hit right to the core of the viewer. It’s basically Love Actually meets Garden State, and I am totally ok with that.
The acting is great. The filming is wonderful. The setting was perfect. This movie left myself and all of my friends feeling good. Like, really good. Sometimes, I will leave a movie feeling that post-laughter rush of hormones (ie how I felt with Hesher). However, this movie made my soul feel warmed and good. It gave me hope that there is true love in this world and that people are naturally good with good intentions (eat that Karl Barth!). Situationally, it can be difficult to live this out or to stay on track, but, through being real and communal, we can succeed in finding love and being loved.

10. Bhutto
I went into Bhutto with a bad attitude. I had seen happythankyoumoreplease before Bhutto and I did not want any movie to ruin the feeling I had from that movie, especially a movie that would obviously end in the murder of the protagonist. However, I was actually blown away by this movie. Previously, I had no clue of how important Bhutto was or the relationship between her family and the fight for democracy in Pakistan. Also, I’d had no idea just how badly the USA perpetuated a grim situation in Pakistan. I felt ashamed of my country, but, at the same time, encouraged to see someone like Benizir Bhutto stand up for her rights and for other peoples’ rights.
This movie was touching in so many ways. The biggest way was that it showed me a real life hero. Bhutto bravely gave her life up for the betterment of the people around her. Even though I believe that the God of the universe is next to me, would I do that? Would I be able to show such bravery and composure in such a situation? Absolutely not. However, this movie shows that God creates everyone differently, so that not everyone has to be Bhutto. Some people need to be the bookeepers and secretaries of such a movement; others ought to be laypeople who discuss political and other issues with their social networks. That thought calmed my soul.

love this

love this so much. please check it. so amazing.

new album download

go get it. its free. matthewcavanaughmusic.com. theres also cool art that comes with it. seriously.

now that the ep is just about out there, here's my focus:
1. a music video for candy hearts
2. the full length album
3. my thesis project for grad school
4. composing for some films
5. making a short film about hiking.
6. other school homework stuff.

if i wasnt type a, i could be stressed right now. but yay for type a.