its been awhile

so yeah, sorry for the long time between posts.

i went boogieboarding yesterday and had a scare (if you haven't heard).

i was on a wave and somehow flipped in front of it, landing on my face/neck really funny.  i have a nice little black eye and some scrapes from it.   im also really dizzy and have a nasty headache.   

ive loved going to the ocean since i came to california.   its a great place to have fun, rest, and collect myself.  however, in the same vein, it can also be dangerous.  the ocean holds much authority and power and deserves reverence and respect.   insert your analogy here.   i've come up with more than a few.

peace.

recording!

i've FINALLY begun recording. today i finished almost all of the music for a new song called "heartbeat."   it's another one about africa.   the new stuff sounds quite a bit different than the 5 song ep; i think its a much better change!  i'll keep you all updated on this process as it unfolds!

.

38 days until i'm home for thanksgiving.  

38 long days.

we'll get there.

its 1230 am...

and i cant sleep.   i have my alarms (i have multiple :-)  ) set for 620 am so i can wake up and study a bit more for my greek quiz tomorrow.   so right now im on par for a little under 6 hours of sleep.  sweet.  i love insomnia.

not a lot to report really on any front.   music is chill.  i'm not letting myself invest in music any more until i do some more of my studies and homework.   that way music is kind of a reward for myself.   im definitely feeling that itch though.   classes are good.   cali is great; the weather today was like 84 and sunny.  awesome weather.

my parents will be in town saturday-monday so i'm gearing up for that.   they've never been to pasadena and my mom has never been to cali.  my dad was in cali when he was in the marines but not since then... so it should be an interesting experience for them.  i'm thinking of taking them boogieboarding :-)

but yeah, thats about all.   hope y'all back home, around fuller, and out in internet land are doing well.

music update

so it's probably time to give everyone a music update (since that is one of the initiatives of this blog).

1. i'm pretty overwhelmed with schoolwork at this moment.  however, i hope to begin recording this week, little by little.  my goal is to have 10-12 songs completed and ready for mastering by Christmastime.

2. the cd will sound pretty different than the ep.  not as much acoustic, more orchestration.   if you've seen a live show, you will understand.  there will even be some electric guitar on it and some guest stars.

3. "boxer" by the national is suuuuccchhhh a good cd and is totally inspiring me.   if you haven't heard the national, check out the song "fake empire."   so good.

4. i am planning on having a couple of shows in chicago come Christmastime.  if you have a good Chicago venue or show possibility, let me know!

5. i have a pretty big announcement soon about record label stuff.   can't talk yet specifically but things are good!

6. did i mention how much i love this national cd?

7. i think that's about all for now.  i just want y'all to know that i am, indeed, still alive, and there are things happening... just at a little slower pace than previously.  hopefully i can throw a new demo or something up on the myspace within the next month.   so keep checking it (myspace.com/matthewcavanaugh).

8. peace out homies.

leadership

"to be a great leader, you have to be a great listener first" - one of my profs

i couldnt agree more. 

quiz's

so i took a greek quiz today.  prob didn't do so well. i know the vocab but don't do real well with parsing yet.   its weird.  i just dont get it.   i did real well on last week's quiz, though, so that will buoy my grade up a bit at least.

cali is teaching me to be more laid back.   i mean, im def not becoming lazy... just not quite as stressful as i had been in chicago.   its nice.   i think tomorrow i am going to hit huntington beach and boogieboard.  if anyone out there reading this wants to come, lemme know.    

i'm gonna listen to music (city and colour) and read a bit before class.   

peace.

image

i have been a bit stressed over one of my classes, as well as some other stuff in general.  so...after working on a paper for a bit, i decided to drive to malibu to boogieboard.   i'd never been to malibu...but everything hollywood has told me about it is great.   

so i drove there... about an hour's drive (with the scenic mountainous route).   malibu didn't disappoint...it really is pretty beautiful.   houses littered the mountainous terrain, all overlooking the compassionate ocean.  just beautiful.

i found the beach, parked, and walked about 3 blocks until i found a cool place to launch into the ocean.   the waves were about 4 feet or so by my amateur estimation.  perfect boogieboarding water.  or so i thought.

i swim about 100 feet out and i hear out my deafened ears a whistle.  honestly, i kind of ignored it.  i really wanted to boogieboard.   the whistle got louder and i heard a couple people yelling... so i decided to turn around and face the beach to uncover the rutkus.

the lifeguard was yelling and pointing at ME, yelling "NO BOOGIEBOARDING!"   the other surfers around me were yelling "DUUUUDE! NO BOOGIEBOARDING!"

i mosied into the beach and the lifeguard (who didn't seem to share my sense of humor) gave me a lecture about how i can't boogieboard there...but further down there is an area where it's allowed.   i complied and began my trek down the beach.

i walked about 4 or 5 blocks at least (in the sand).  i didn't see any of the signs the lifeguard spoke of.   by then, i was a little bit tired and thinking "i just want a day to de-stress.  this is stressing me."   so what'd i do?  i sat down on the sand and just stared at the ocean.

the ocean has a calming presence on me.   the waves have an entrancing sound on me.   soothing.   

i began to think of the pressure that i've been feeling lately.   california is a state filled with constant reminders for the imperfect.   "i'm not this enough."  "i'm not that enough."   "i'm not smart enough."   "i'm too fat."   "i'm funny looking."   "i'm not rich enough."   "i'm too shy."   "i talk funny."   "i don't like my voice."   california can be a conniving, devious, painful culture if one lets it be.

i'm normally pretty secure, pretty confident.   i know that, as a fallen person, i am imperfect.  however, God has extended grace and mercy to me.   He has cleansed me from my imperfection and, even though i may look the same on the outside, God sees me as clean, washed, made perfect through Him.   i struggle as much as anyone with always accepting this and never buying into societal standards.   but that is the truth.   i am exactly who God wants me to be and nothing i can do would ever make Him love me any more than He does.

watching the Pacific waves, one after another, crashing into the rocks, i realized all of this.   i realized the point where my imperfections and insecurities meet God's perfection and security.   and i realized what God wants me to be thinking about... not the things I'm not, but the my daily acceptance of His goodness given to me. 

i scared some guy today

after boogieboarding yesterday, i learned a valuable lesson: WEAR A RASHGUARD!    my chest is a bit red from yesterday.   that being said...

i walked to old town pasadena today to buy a rash guard.  its basically a real thin shirt.   a couple blocks from my apartment, i was crossing a fairly busy road (los robles).   i had the white "walk" sign so it was rightfully my turn to cross the street.   when i was about halfway across, a car began to turn left (MY direction).   he was a few feet from hitting me.  so what'd i do?  something sorta weird actually.   

i don't know why but i just stopped there and gave him "the look."   "the look" doesn't rear itself too often anymore...im normally pretty cool.  but yeah.  he definitely got the look.   the dude SLAMMED on his brakes with a look of terror on his face and just waved to me.   i smiled and completed my street crossing.    amusing.

wow

today was INSANE.

woke up at 730 to drive to long beach.  met up with my friend dan, met his friends chris and rory, and went to the BEACH!   i've never been to a california beach today.  let me just say...its a lot of fun.  yeah.  loved it.   dan surfed and rory and chris and i boogieboarded.   i plan on buying a boogieboard tomorrow.  seriously.  amazing!

after that, we got a bite to eat.  then dan and i hung out with his wife mel for awhile.   

after that, dan and mel and i went to chinatown to buy her halloween costume.   however, this is where it gets interesting.

we took the train to chinatown and, therefore, had to take it back.

so we get on the train.   i've heard la has some interesting people (fruits and nuts, as some chicagoans call em)... but whoa.   there was one guy on the train that flashed his gun subtly (it was on his hip, tucked in his pants i think).   there were other people on the train that were not packing but equally interesting...but i just kept thinking... "these are good people and just need to feel God's love."   so... i talked to em.   one guy was really really cool (and he was pretty normal).  the guy with the gun seemed to take a liking to my chicago-ness.  there were some other people from moscow on the train who also ended up being pretty cool once their hard exterior was surpassed.

i think it'd be cool to sit on a train all day in l.a. and just talk to everyone on the train.   that'd probably be a good movie.

anyways, if you are of the praying persuasion, please be praying for me.  i can't really go into what on this blog, but things are good and i just really need some prayer about a decision/situation.   

but that is all for now.   Do svidaniya! ("goodbye" in russian)

ecclesia church

so i visited this real cool church last week called ecclesia (in hollywood).   if you'd like to hear a podcast of it, check out the sept 28th one from brandon:

http://www.churchinhollywood.com/hear.html

its pretty funny and i felt like i took something away from church.   i hope to contribute to this place in the future.

sorry this blog is blah today.   lots on my mind, lots on my heart.  life is good, though.

seriously check out that podcast :-)  (and the cooooool intro music!)

belief

"Open wide my door, my Lord, to whatever make me love You more.  

Open wide my door while there's still light to run towards..." - Aaron Weiss of Mewithoutyou

God has been teaching me to pray the last couple months.  Like...to REALLY pray.   I'd been in a place for awhile where prayer is honest and authentic, but it was more or less something to do.   I've been learning to pray with desperation and expectation, however.   God doesn't desire our lip service or our prayer quota; God desires our lives, our intentions, our hearts, our actions.... and I really believe God desires to see us live miraculous, amazing lives that significantly redeem the creation around us.   Of course, on our own, we are not able to manifest that, no matter how great our talents or gifts may be.   We need to desperately depend on God for this.  Furthermore, we need to learn to believe that God can do this in us and through us.  How many of our prayers do we honestly believe will be answered?   I believe that the majority of us would reply "few" if any.   I'm not blaming you or me for that; I'm blaming our church culture, which has been taught to be overly "realistic" and under "idealistic."

I just finished reading a book by Gary Haugen about human trafficking.   In it, he raises the question, "how can we believe something?"    He describes belief as something not limited to a personal expectation or opinion or persuasion... but as something that a person acts on, lives out.  If we believe in God - truly, passionately, and authentically believe in the God of redemption, justice, and significance - this belief must be proven in our outward actions and life, not just our lip service.  Otherwise, how much do we really believe something?

on a different tangent, i took a spiritual gifts inventory.  interesting results posted below.  if you want to take one, this seems like a halfway decent one: www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift

(25 is the highest score you can get) 

my highest gifts were faith (25), encouragement (23), poverty (23), music (23), prophecy (23), pastoring (21), helping (21), leadership (21), administration (21), exhortation (19), giving (19), wisdom (19), and apostolic (19).   pretty interesting stuff.   i think i agree with these results for the most part.