procrastination from studies

i have two big finals tomorrow and am looking for ways to procrastinate from studying.

so blogger, thank you.

music updates: not much to report.  i go back to chicago from dec 16-27 and hope to finish everything there are far as recording and mixing.   from there, i hope to master everything in cali.  i also have two small shows, the 17th and 19.   if you're out there, come check out either one of those shows.  i'll be playing some of the new stuff.

i'm trying to finalize two more songs for the cd before next week.   one is about hope and believing that there is something (Something) amazing in this world to look forward to and trust.   the other song is a bit more complex.

it's about this burden i have for substitutionism.   i went with my friend to santa monica pier yesterday.   as we were walking back to the car, i saw this guy, about 100 feet away, whose legs were disfigured.   his right leg wasn't straight... it was at about a 30 degree angle, lateral from his body.   his left leg also did something similar.  and both feet were turned dramatically inward.   he had a few backpacks on and was either homeless or very poor.

it hurt to see him.   honestly, it hurts me to type this.   i want him to be out of that pain.   i have no clue who this person is, didn't talk to him or anything.    i hate seeing the pain of others, though.   it feels like a knife in my stomach being turned, a physical stabbing pain going into my center.   i wish i couldn't think or feel these things but i've always had these feelings and they're becoming more pronounced.

i hate seeing the pain in this world, the disfigurement of people who do not deserve such affliction.   my inclination is to wish i could take that pain, physically and spiritually take that person's pain.   however, i am reminded that a savior has already done that for me and you and everyone else here.  nonetheless, i can't stop thinking like that.   and i can't get that person out of my head.   and that person's pain.   i'm not sure what else to say... but yeah.

stranded in an airport

i have spent the last 4 days in chicago visiting family for tgiving.   however, as i sit at o'hare to go back home to l.a., i'm...well...stranded.   chicago had a bit of snow and everything is delayed!  so i thought i'd go on boingo wireless and bloooogggggg.

music update: a TON of the cd is done.   one song, frail, is entirely done outside of a lil mixing.   past that, most of the bass, acoustic, and programming are done.   i'm gonna overdub some vocals and rerecord some electric stuff.   needless to say, this momma will be done recording within a little less than a month!  woohoo!   i'm going to refrain from more details...but let's just say that things are going very well!   there is so much i want to say.

i am taking promo pictures soon for the cd and for marketing stuff.   i'm pretty stoked.   the photographer is a friend of mine, Lara Kincer, who seems to have a really incredible eye for detail.  i can't wait to see what she comes up with!   

right now, the release date for the disc is looking like mid january.   i'll keep you in the loop.

peace.

dun widda buncha stuft

acoustic and electric, basically, all done!   also finished vocals on 7 songs.  7 freakin songs!  so exciting.   4 more to go.  phew.   brain feels like moosh.

DONE WITH ACOUSTIC!

so i'm already done recording my acoustic tracks for 11 songs!  WOOHOO!   Way ahead of schedule!   I've also got two songs done with the electric and a few that won't use electric.   being ahead of schedule is a great feeling!   maybe i should try to view my studies like that here at grad school.  hm...

anywhooooooo.   i got the brand new anathallo disc in the mail today.   wow!  and i mean WOW!!!!!   i can't describe it.  it's just awesome.   buy it, support some good people making some fantastic music!   you can check them out here: myspace.com/anathallo   my fave song on the disc is italo, even though it's not on their space. 

peace out.

recording!

as of today, all of the reason stuff has been tracked.  i've also recorded all of the acoustic guitars for rose tyler, the rain in the morning, and my only comfort in life and death.    im forcing myself to do my homework.   if i can knock out my homework early today, i hope to resume recording the acoustic stuff.   it's going soooo well, i can't wait to see how this all turns out.

RECORDING!

so here's a recording update.

i've set up 8 songs out of a potential 11 so far.  what setting up entails is perfecting the sequencing stuff (the strings, drum machine, etc...), setting everything up in protools so it sounds good, and making minor tweaks.   once all 11ish are set up, im going to begin tracking the acoustic and electric guitar stuff.  my goal right now is to have a lot of the guitars done by next week!   isn't that exciting?!  i think so!!!

in other news, the new bloc party cd = awesome.   ive also been digging jose gonzalez lately.   i know im a bit late to that party...but if you haven't arrived to that party yet and like good acoustic music, i'd highly rec. him.

peace out.

its been awhile

so yeah, sorry for the long time between posts.

i went boogieboarding yesterday and had a scare (if you haven't heard).

i was on a wave and somehow flipped in front of it, landing on my face/neck really funny.  i have a nice little black eye and some scrapes from it.   im also really dizzy and have a nasty headache.   

ive loved going to the ocean since i came to california.   its a great place to have fun, rest, and collect myself.  however, in the same vein, it can also be dangerous.  the ocean holds much authority and power and deserves reverence and respect.   insert your analogy here.   i've come up with more than a few.

peace.

recording!

i've FINALLY begun recording. today i finished almost all of the music for a new song called "heartbeat."   it's another one about africa.   the new stuff sounds quite a bit different than the 5 song ep; i think its a much better change!  i'll keep you all updated on this process as it unfolds!

.

38 days until i'm home for thanksgiving.  

38 long days.

we'll get there.

its 1230 am...

and i cant sleep.   i have my alarms (i have multiple :-)  ) set for 620 am so i can wake up and study a bit more for my greek quiz tomorrow.   so right now im on par for a little under 6 hours of sleep.  sweet.  i love insomnia.

not a lot to report really on any front.   music is chill.  i'm not letting myself invest in music any more until i do some more of my studies and homework.   that way music is kind of a reward for myself.   im definitely feeling that itch though.   classes are good.   cali is great; the weather today was like 84 and sunny.  awesome weather.

my parents will be in town saturday-monday so i'm gearing up for that.   they've never been to pasadena and my mom has never been to cali.  my dad was in cali when he was in the marines but not since then... so it should be an interesting experience for them.  i'm thinking of taking them boogieboarding :-)

but yeah, thats about all.   hope y'all back home, around fuller, and out in internet land are doing well.

music update

so it's probably time to give everyone a music update (since that is one of the initiatives of this blog).

1. i'm pretty overwhelmed with schoolwork at this moment.  however, i hope to begin recording this week, little by little.  my goal is to have 10-12 songs completed and ready for mastering by Christmastime.

2. the cd will sound pretty different than the ep.  not as much acoustic, more orchestration.   if you've seen a live show, you will understand.  there will even be some electric guitar on it and some guest stars.

3. "boxer" by the national is suuuuccchhhh a good cd and is totally inspiring me.   if you haven't heard the national, check out the song "fake empire."   so good.

4. i am planning on having a couple of shows in chicago come Christmastime.  if you have a good Chicago venue or show possibility, let me know!

5. i have a pretty big announcement soon about record label stuff.   can't talk yet specifically but things are good!

6. did i mention how much i love this national cd?

7. i think that's about all for now.  i just want y'all to know that i am, indeed, still alive, and there are things happening... just at a little slower pace than previously.  hopefully i can throw a new demo or something up on the myspace within the next month.   so keep checking it (myspace.com/matthewcavanaugh).

8. peace out homies.

leadership

"to be a great leader, you have to be a great listener first" - one of my profs

i couldnt agree more. 

quiz's

so i took a greek quiz today.  prob didn't do so well. i know the vocab but don't do real well with parsing yet.   its weird.  i just dont get it.   i did real well on last week's quiz, though, so that will buoy my grade up a bit at least.

cali is teaching me to be more laid back.   i mean, im def not becoming lazy... just not quite as stressful as i had been in chicago.   its nice.   i think tomorrow i am going to hit huntington beach and boogieboard.  if anyone out there reading this wants to come, lemme know.    

i'm gonna listen to music (city and colour) and read a bit before class.   

peace.

image

i have been a bit stressed over one of my classes, as well as some other stuff in general.  so...after working on a paper for a bit, i decided to drive to malibu to boogieboard.   i'd never been to malibu...but everything hollywood has told me about it is great.   

so i drove there... about an hour's drive (with the scenic mountainous route).   malibu didn't disappoint...it really is pretty beautiful.   houses littered the mountainous terrain, all overlooking the compassionate ocean.  just beautiful.

i found the beach, parked, and walked about 3 blocks until i found a cool place to launch into the ocean.   the waves were about 4 feet or so by my amateur estimation.  perfect boogieboarding water.  or so i thought.

i swim about 100 feet out and i hear out my deafened ears a whistle.  honestly, i kind of ignored it.  i really wanted to boogieboard.   the whistle got louder and i heard a couple people yelling... so i decided to turn around and face the beach to uncover the rutkus.

the lifeguard was yelling and pointing at ME, yelling "NO BOOGIEBOARDING!"   the other surfers around me were yelling "DUUUUDE! NO BOOGIEBOARDING!"

i mosied into the beach and the lifeguard (who didn't seem to share my sense of humor) gave me a lecture about how i can't boogieboard there...but further down there is an area where it's allowed.   i complied and began my trek down the beach.

i walked about 4 or 5 blocks at least (in the sand).  i didn't see any of the signs the lifeguard spoke of.   by then, i was a little bit tired and thinking "i just want a day to de-stress.  this is stressing me."   so what'd i do?  i sat down on the sand and just stared at the ocean.

the ocean has a calming presence on me.   the waves have an entrancing sound on me.   soothing.   

i began to think of the pressure that i've been feeling lately.   california is a state filled with constant reminders for the imperfect.   "i'm not this enough."  "i'm not that enough."   "i'm not smart enough."   "i'm too fat."   "i'm funny looking."   "i'm not rich enough."   "i'm too shy."   "i talk funny."   "i don't like my voice."   california can be a conniving, devious, painful culture if one lets it be.

i'm normally pretty secure, pretty confident.   i know that, as a fallen person, i am imperfect.  however, God has extended grace and mercy to me.   He has cleansed me from my imperfection and, even though i may look the same on the outside, God sees me as clean, washed, made perfect through Him.   i struggle as much as anyone with always accepting this and never buying into societal standards.   but that is the truth.   i am exactly who God wants me to be and nothing i can do would ever make Him love me any more than He does.

watching the Pacific waves, one after another, crashing into the rocks, i realized all of this.   i realized the point where my imperfections and insecurities meet God's perfection and security.   and i realized what God wants me to be thinking about... not the things I'm not, but the my daily acceptance of His goodness given to me. 

i scared some guy today

after boogieboarding yesterday, i learned a valuable lesson: WEAR A RASHGUARD!    my chest is a bit red from yesterday.   that being said...

i walked to old town pasadena today to buy a rash guard.  its basically a real thin shirt.   a couple blocks from my apartment, i was crossing a fairly busy road (los robles).   i had the white "walk" sign so it was rightfully my turn to cross the street.   when i was about halfway across, a car began to turn left (MY direction).   he was a few feet from hitting me.  so what'd i do?  something sorta weird actually.   

i don't know why but i just stopped there and gave him "the look."   "the look" doesn't rear itself too often anymore...im normally pretty cool.  but yeah.  he definitely got the look.   the dude SLAMMED on his brakes with a look of terror on his face and just waved to me.   i smiled and completed my street crossing.    amusing.

wow

today was INSANE.

woke up at 730 to drive to long beach.  met up with my friend dan, met his friends chris and rory, and went to the BEACH!   i've never been to a california beach today.  let me just say...its a lot of fun.  yeah.  loved it.   dan surfed and rory and chris and i boogieboarded.   i plan on buying a boogieboard tomorrow.  seriously.  amazing!

after that, we got a bite to eat.  then dan and i hung out with his wife mel for awhile.   

after that, dan and mel and i went to chinatown to buy her halloween costume.   however, this is where it gets interesting.

we took the train to chinatown and, therefore, had to take it back.

so we get on the train.   i've heard la has some interesting people (fruits and nuts, as some chicagoans call em)... but whoa.   there was one guy on the train that flashed his gun subtly (it was on his hip, tucked in his pants i think).   there were other people on the train that were not packing but equally interesting...but i just kept thinking... "these are good people and just need to feel God's love."   so... i talked to em.   one guy was really really cool (and he was pretty normal).  the guy with the gun seemed to take a liking to my chicago-ness.  there were some other people from moscow on the train who also ended up being pretty cool once their hard exterior was surpassed.

i think it'd be cool to sit on a train all day in l.a. and just talk to everyone on the train.   that'd probably be a good movie.

anyways, if you are of the praying persuasion, please be praying for me.  i can't really go into what on this blog, but things are good and i just really need some prayer about a decision/situation.   

but that is all for now.   Do svidaniya! ("goodbye" in russian)

ecclesia church

so i visited this real cool church last week called ecclesia (in hollywood).   if you'd like to hear a podcast of it, check out the sept 28th one from brandon:

http://www.churchinhollywood.com/hear.html

its pretty funny and i felt like i took something away from church.   i hope to contribute to this place in the future.

sorry this blog is blah today.   lots on my mind, lots on my heart.  life is good, though.

seriously check out that podcast :-)  (and the cooooool intro music!)

belief

"Open wide my door, my Lord, to whatever make me love You more.  

Open wide my door while there's still light to run towards..." - Aaron Weiss of Mewithoutyou

God has been teaching me to pray the last couple months.  Like...to REALLY pray.   I'd been in a place for awhile where prayer is honest and authentic, but it was more or less something to do.   I've been learning to pray with desperation and expectation, however.   God doesn't desire our lip service or our prayer quota; God desires our lives, our intentions, our hearts, our actions.... and I really believe God desires to see us live miraculous, amazing lives that significantly redeem the creation around us.   Of course, on our own, we are not able to manifest that, no matter how great our talents or gifts may be.   We need to desperately depend on God for this.  Furthermore, we need to learn to believe that God can do this in us and through us.  How many of our prayers do we honestly believe will be answered?   I believe that the majority of us would reply "few" if any.   I'm not blaming you or me for that; I'm blaming our church culture, which has been taught to be overly "realistic" and under "idealistic."

I just finished reading a book by Gary Haugen about human trafficking.   In it, he raises the question, "how can we believe something?"    He describes belief as something not limited to a personal expectation or opinion or persuasion... but as something that a person acts on, lives out.  If we believe in God - truly, passionately, and authentically believe in the God of redemption, justice, and significance - this belief must be proven in our outward actions and life, not just our lip service.  Otherwise, how much do we really believe something?

on a different tangent, i took a spiritual gifts inventory.  interesting results posted below.  if you want to take one, this seems like a halfway decent one: www.kodachrome.org/spiritgift

(25 is the highest score you can get) 

my highest gifts were faith (25), encouragement (23), poverty (23), music (23), prophecy (23), pastoring (21), helping (21), leadership (21), administration (21), exhortation (19), giving (19), wisdom (19), and apostolic (19).   pretty interesting stuff.   i think i agree with these results for the most part.

Your love is strong by Jon Foreman

Heavenly Father, you always amaze me
Let your kingdom come in my world and in my life
Give me the food I need to live through today
And forgive me as I forgive the people that wrong me
Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window the birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune or out of place
I walk to the meadow and stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl on her wedding day

So why do I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens is now advancing
Invade my heart, invade this broken town
The kingdom of the Heavens is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself to buy the one you've found?

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in Heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven
Give us today our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Keep us far away from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

things that make me happy...

1. 2 hour monday night phone conversations where at least 1 hour is laughter

2. the new william fitzsimmons cd that came out today! (www.myspace.com/williamfitzsimmons)

3. my greek class, which began today.  AMAZING!

4. 90 degrees and sunny (and zero humidity for your chicago friends!)

5. protools is up and running on the studio computer

6. the season premiere of chuck last night (SOOOO GOOD!)

7. thoughts of coming home in 2 months to see a lot of people i miss

8. feeling a rapidly increasing closeness with the Lord

life is good...

life is good right now.   i'm actually trying to start to view life in a different context...like, instead of saying something is bad or good, i'm asking "why is God doing this or doing that?"   i know that God is all good and His purposes are good... so for something to happen in my life that is less than that presupposes God's full involvement to an extent.   

i found a great church yesterday called ecclesia.   it's in hollywood, is a medium sized church (maybe 700 people?), meets in an old theatre, and has an awesome community feel.   i'm pretty sure the church is pca in denomination but i won't hold it against them ;-)   

i'm entering a heightened season of prayer and fasting.   i feel led to seek God's will on a deeper level with some things and this seems like the right way to do it.   if you have any advice or experience with fasting, i'd love to hear your thoughts.   i haven't done much of it in the past.

anyways, so that's that.   please be praying if you can and feel free to reply if you have any thoughts or input... i'd love to hear some other perspectives!

burden

i just woke up about 30 minutes ago, and ive felt this huge burden to pray.  i don't feel stuff like that too often and this strong... but i just feel "pray pray pray!" so i'm praying.   please also pray if you can.   not sure why, what's happening... 

record labels

so my friend steve and i have been talking the last month about starting a nonprofit record label.   the function would be three fold: 1. allow young artists to have a Godly, well-run label help them release their music and be associated with other similar acts   2.help younger artists with recording their music at a high quality for an extremely low cost relative to the marketplace and 3. raise money for an undetermined non-profit group/agency/cause.   the idea, in my opinion, is really good and i definitely have been feeling some sort of calling to do it.   however, i just found out yesterday that to start it will cost at least $500-700 simply in paperwork costs.   like i said, i feel a calling to this, whether its now or later... so any prayer you can give would be appreciated.

my friends heidi, izzy, and katherine are in town!    we hung out last night, ate dinner at pf chang's, and watched "kiss kiss bang bang."   twas a great night and im so thankful for good friends like them.

today, my plans are pretty chill.  i think i may go to a party later on today with my friends dan and mel.  tomorrow i'm going to buster bluth's church!   (not my dog, the arrested development actor!)    i can't wait to give him a backrub and yell "hey brother!"   seriously...best show ever.   there are definitely tons and tons of AD fans at fuller's campus, too... this brings me much joy.   

but yep.  life is good.   God is good.   and music is going good.   peace out.

homeless people

yesterday, with our orientation here, we broke off into several groups and visited old town pasadena, which is basically a long strip of upscale stores, restaurants, etc...   along the way, i counted at least 8 homeless people asking for money, which we seminary students more or less ignored.    there seems to be a large homeless population here in pasadena.   every time i walk by someone in that situation, i cringe.  i can't explain it fully, but it just really feels like my heart completely stops.   its a horrible feeling.   and then, thinking that a group of 14 seminary students is walking by these people doing the same thing...that stops my heart too.   i really hate it.

i tend to be an idealist at times.   i know i can't solve the world's problems... God gave His son for that.   however, i can have a role in doing something about a lot of the things in the world God detests (ie poverty).

so, last year i posted this question to a group of postmodern Christians on the ooze.com: "what do you do when you see homeless people or begging people on the street?"   i received some good responses:

-carry around peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and give them a few

-if you're with someone else, you can offer to bring the homeless person somewhere to buy them lunch/dinner/groceries

-give food stamps

-carry around packs of socks and give them new socks

-pray with them and pray for them

my heart is literally aching for people in these situations.  i don't care how they got there or what they did... this isn't how God meant for these people to live.   please pray for me so that next time i walk by a homeless person, i can be Godly to them and not shy away or ignore them.    Jesus died for them too, just as much as He died for us.

friday!...er...thursday?

i seriously do not know what day of the week it is anymore.   not that that's a bad thing.   one thing God has shown me since coming out here is that i need to get out of my busy 24-7 routine.  it's been painful and stretching, but it's also been a good thing.    i've also gotten away from some bad eating habits, that were mainly influenced from my parents' eating habits... i've given up pizza, pop, and bad carbohydrates.  i think i've lost like 12 lbs since coming here, not to mention the weight lost from getting all my hair cut off yesterday.  its nuts.   

today's schedule is pretty light.  i have a song i want to record a demo of entitled "under the silent stars."   it's a quote taken from elizabeth elliot's book "passion and purity."   i also want to sign up at this one local gym and get my student id pic taken.   after that, who knows?  maybe i'll go for a hike in the mountains.  oh! and tonight there are several parties in celebration of the season premiere of the office.  maybe i'll go to one of those

about a month ago, i was praying this one puritan prayer, the valley of vision, fairly regularly.  i was scared about quitting my job, moving out here, leaving home, leaving everything i knew, and i was in a pretty strong place of humility.  however, as the prayer explains, when we are in a valley of humilitiy, we are also in a great place of vision, where we have a great view of God's leading.  in hindsight, the prayer is completely right, and God is undoubtedly doing some awesome things with this move.   i've pasted the context of the prayer below. 

peace.

Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly

Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision

Where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights

hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory

Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up

That to be low is to be high

That the broken heart is the healed heart

That the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit

That the repenting soul is the victorious soul

That to have nothing is to possess all

That to bear the cross is to wear the crown

That to give is to receive

That the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells

And the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine.

Let me find Thy light in my darkness

Thy life in my death

Thy joy in my sorrow

Thy grace in my sin

Thy riches in my poverty

Thy glory in my valley.

beginning

so...my first blog entry!

so classes at fuller seminary start this monday.   i'm kinda lying low before then, doing orientation stuff and just sorta chilling, reading a lot.   i'll probably get a job after a week or two of classes, just so i can gauge the class load and spare time factor.  i have three classes: intro to greek, new testament gospels, and empowering christians.   this place seems pretty hip.

i'm reading a book right now called "passion and purity" by elizabeth elliot.   (insert man card revocation joke here)   i actually like it.   it has given a context, a framework, to insert a lot of my impulses, feelings, and principles into.   i really respect her idea of purity and her story thus far.   it also makes me want to become a better man of God; i think it's working.  at least i hope.

music has been  put on the backburner temporarily.  i'm still writing some stuff, prepping for the full length record (which will be recorded in december).   however, i've taken a week or two off from really trying to get shows.   i want to make sure i'm at the right place spiritually and personally before i start doing that again.   

all in all, though, cali is good.  i really miss chicago.   i miss my friends, my church, my family, my dog buster, my job, etc...   but i know this is where God wants me to be.   if you can, please pray for contentment within me, as well as continued guidance from God regarding my personal faith.   life is good, though!   !viva la vida!