lots on my plate lately, as you may have ascertained from the last posting. here's some more thrown into the fire of my life.
God is putting church planting on my heart. weird. actually... really weird. i never thought this would be such a calling for me. i have a heart to see the church not act neutered and useless and victimized by "the world"... but i hadn't really considered this track too much before. until now. definitely thinking now.
"but wait. i'm really hurt and fragile and vulnerable right now. what kind of church leader can lead AND be in such an emotive state?" says my logically-dominated brain.
today i got some of an answer to that question.
in devotions today, steve summerell, a local pastor and thinker, talked in depth regarding spiritual formation. this is a big area and a lot was said. however, the part that stuck with me was this: fowler's 6 stages of spiritual growth. (i think he used another author but their idea was similar)
"wtf?" true.
so here's how fowler sees spiritual growth: (taken from http://faculty.plts.edu/gpence/html/fowler.htm)
Stage I Intuitive-Projective faith is the fantasy-filled, imitative phase in which the child can be powerfully and permanently influenced by examples, moods, actions and stories of the visible faith of primally related adults. (young christian + old christians, basically)
S
tage 2 Mythic-Literal faith is the stage in which the person begins to take on for him- or herself the stories, beliefs and observances that symbolize belonging to his or her community. Beliefs are appropriated with literal interpretations, as are moral rules and attitudes. Symbols are taken as one-dimensional and literal in meaning. In this stage the rise of concrete operations leads to the curbing and ordering of the previous stage's imaginative composing of the world. The episodic quality of Intuitive-Projective faith gives way to a more linear, narrative construction of coherence and meaning. Story becomes the major way of giving unity and value to experience. This is the faith stage of the school child (though we sometimes find the structures dominant in adolescents and in adults). Marked by increased accuracy in taking the perspective of other persons, those in Stage 2 compose a world based on reciprocal fairness and an immanent justice based on reciprocity. The actors in their cosmic stories are anthropomorphic. They can be affected deeply and powerfully by symbolic and dramatic materials and can describe in endlessly detailed narrative what has occurred. They do not, however, step back from the flow of stories to formulate reflective, conceptual meanings. For this stage the meaning is both carried and "trapped" in the narrative.
Stage 3 Synthetic-Conventional faith, a person's experience of the world now extends beyond the family. A number of spheres demand attention: family, school or work, peers, street society and media, and perhaps religion. Faith must provide a coherent orientation in the midst of that more complex and diverse range of involvements. Faith must synthesize values and information; it must provide a basis for identity and outlook.
Stage 4 Individuative-Reflective faith is particularly critical for it is in this transition that the late adolescent or adult must begin to take seriously the burden of responsibility for his or her own commitments, lifestyle, beliefs and attitudes. Where genuine movement toward stage 4 is underway the person must face certain unavoidable tensions: individuality versus being defined by a group or group membership; subjectivity and the power of one's strongly felt but unexamined feelings versus objectivity and the requirement of critical reflection; self-fulfillment or self-actualization as a primary concern versus service to and being for others; the question of being committed to the relative versus struggle with the possibility of an absolute.
Stage 5 Conjunctive faith involves the integration into self and outlook of much that was suppressed or unrecognized in the interest of Stage 4's self-certainty and conscious cognitive and affective adaptation to reality. This stage develops a "second naivete'' (Ricoeur) in which symbolic power is reunited with conceptual meanings. Here there must also be a new reclaiming and reworking of one's past. There must be an opening to the voices of one's "deeper self." Importantly, this involves a critical recognition of one's social unconscious-the myths, ideal images and prejudices built deeply into the self-system by virtue of one's nurture within a particular social class, religious tradition, ethnic group or the like.
Stage 6 is exceedingly rare. The persons best described by it have generated faith compositions in which their felt sense of an ultimate environment is inclusive of all being. They have become incarnators and actualizers of the spirit of an inclusive and fulfilled human community.
They are "contagious" in the sense that they create zones of liberation from the social, political, economic and ideological shackles we place and endure on human futurity. Living with felt participation in a power that unifies and transforms the world, Universalizers are often experienced as subversive of the structures (including religious structures) by which we sustain our individual and corporate survival, security and significance. Many persons in this stage die at the hands of those whom they hope to change. Universalizers are often more honored and revered after death than during their lives. The rare persons who may be described by this stage have a special grace that makes them seem more lucid, more simple, and yet somehow more fully human than the rest of us. Their community is universal in extent. Particularities are cherished because they are vessels of the universal, and thereby valuable apart from any utilitarian considerations. Life is both loved and held to loosely. Such persons are ready for fellowship with persons at any of the other stages and from any other faith tradition.
So, if you're still reading (I hope you are)... this is what was said. churches are awesome at doing stages 1-3. People become christians, learn the ropes, rules, culture, etc... However, stage 4 is where churches tend to falter. i would also add that American culture falters here, as well. we struggle with examining our hearts, our junk, and actually working through it. we bury stuff, we work around it, we adapt to our pain and burdens... but we're called to go in and allow God to create reparation... not adapt or bury. when we neglect this step, steps 5-6 are difficult or impossible to achieve. we limit ourselves.
so right now, things aren't easy. they're very hard, harder than they've been in a long time. but i think i am in stage 4 and this is something to be happy about or at least to take solace in - that i am growing even though i feel miserable and in agony. and hopefully this will positively affect my church planting future or whatever else i do in the future.
i really believe that we are a culture that values words too much and genuine touch and affection too little. i witnessed this moment (pic above) with a person who has dimentia on such a high level that she really cannot comprehend words coherently anymore. but she gets touch. she gets it. and someone gave that to her. and she accepted it. and she felt loved. 
