love?

love. it occurs in two reciprocative equations:

1. giving love.

2. accepting love.

i would argue that both are important. i would also argue that both are integral for our lives. one could even make an argument that the purpose of living is to, both, give and accept love - love that is defined and rooted in the breathtaking parameters created by God.

so what happens when we are unable to give or receive love? do we lose what is fundamental and definitive of ourselves as human beings? do we lose our purpose? how do we reconcile this?

i think we all need to evaluate where we're at with both of those ideas. right now, i think i'm ok with #1 and terrible at #2. i hate accepting grace, mercy, love, kindness, etc. hate it. even more, i hate not being able to receive love. i am in a place where i'm questioning my basic ability to receive any kind of affection and love. when someone compliments me, i want to run away. what is up with that? someone that i haven't seen in a month told me tonight that i look like i've been working out a lot... and i must have been so red from blushing. am i alone in feeling like this? i fear that if i cannot reconcile this characteristic, i will never be able to love anyone in the way i hope to someday.