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i have been a bit stressed over one of my classes, as well as some other stuff in general.  so...after working on a paper for a bit, i decided to drive to malibu to boogieboard.   i'd never been to malibu...but everything hollywood has told me about it is great.   

so i drove there... about an hour's drive (with the scenic mountainous route).   malibu didn't disappoint...it really is pretty beautiful.   houses littered the mountainous terrain, all overlooking the compassionate ocean.  just beautiful.

i found the beach, parked, and walked about 3 blocks until i found a cool place to launch into the ocean.   the waves were about 4 feet or so by my amateur estimation.  perfect boogieboarding water.  or so i thought.

i swim about 100 feet out and i hear out my deafened ears a whistle.  honestly, i kind of ignored it.  i really wanted to boogieboard.   the whistle got louder and i heard a couple people yelling... so i decided to turn around and face the beach to uncover the rutkus.

the lifeguard was yelling and pointing at ME, yelling "NO BOOGIEBOARDING!"   the other surfers around me were yelling "DUUUUDE! NO BOOGIEBOARDING!"

i mosied into the beach and the lifeguard (who didn't seem to share my sense of humor) gave me a lecture about how i can't boogieboard there...but further down there is an area where it's allowed.   i complied and began my trek down the beach.

i walked about 4 or 5 blocks at least (in the sand).  i didn't see any of the signs the lifeguard spoke of.   by then, i was a little bit tired and thinking "i just want a day to de-stress.  this is stressing me."   so what'd i do?  i sat down on the sand and just stared at the ocean.

the ocean has a calming presence on me.   the waves have an entrancing sound on me.   soothing.   

i began to think of the pressure that i've been feeling lately.   california is a state filled with constant reminders for the imperfect.   "i'm not this enough."  "i'm not that enough."   "i'm not smart enough."   "i'm too fat."   "i'm funny looking."   "i'm not rich enough."   "i'm too shy."   "i talk funny."   "i don't like my voice."   california can be a conniving, devious, painful culture if one lets it be.

i'm normally pretty secure, pretty confident.   i know that, as a fallen person, i am imperfect.  however, God has extended grace and mercy to me.   He has cleansed me from my imperfection and, even though i may look the same on the outside, God sees me as clean, washed, made perfect through Him.   i struggle as much as anyone with always accepting this and never buying into societal standards.   but that is the truth.   i am exactly who God wants me to be and nothing i can do would ever make Him love me any more than He does.

watching the Pacific waves, one after another, crashing into the rocks, i realized all of this.   i realized the point where my imperfections and insecurities meet God's perfection and security.   and i realized what God wants me to be thinking about... not the things I'm not, but the my daily acceptance of His goodness given to me.